Monday, February 02, 2004

Why do they always leave me waiting?

My famous lunch with ex-boyfriend Joan never happened: After being soooo sweet and funny over the phone on Wednesday, while fixing for lunch -and funny text messages, back - to - normal - fun - with - him happiness, he would pick me up at work at two o'clock... HE NEVER TURNED UP!!!!

Ok, he IS an ex- but I've been soooo patient towards him, respected his feelings and his guilt towards me -WHY DO I GET TO ALL THE RESPECTING??? WHY DO THEY GIVE IT FOR GRANTED BY NOW???? and he didn't even phone so that I wouldn't waste my lunch break waiting for him.

As Bob Marley says, I'M NOT GONNA WAIT IN VAIN FOR YOUR LOVE... but I WAS waiting and looking forward to seeing him, having a good laugh together...

I was soooo pissed off by the time I realized he wasn't coming, sent a message and had no reply, phoned and had no reply... that I didn't want to call again so as not to leave nasty hate messages. They turn out too bitter.

Instead, this weekend I kept sending messages every 10 -12 hours, such as "Starting to feel hungry, do you mind if I order?", ... "I've had to move to the smaller table, for one only, behind the plant. Phone if you can't see me" , etc. That got a reply... by text, laconic, and that he'll phone me soon.

STUPID IDIOT BASTARD you are sooo used to my pacience you expect it now whatever you do? I'm sick of being nice and not being rewarded. I am this way, ok, but I need some attention too! For heavens' sake, I'm a single mother, my son's father doesn't help and is better well away from us, and am struggling to make ends meet!!!

Sooo, how did I feel when Nate phoned, a week ago, to say all his shit about thinking things over, "I'm not being good enough for you, I'm not behaving well with your kid..." and he wanted to take his time? I just went on saying OK, OK, SURE, ALL RIGHT. I guess he was expecting some sort of worry, but there was none.

Sooo, how did I react when he phoned the same Thursday Joan had stood me up to ask if he could stay overnight on Friday? I managed not to laugh and said it was ok. That I would like to see him. That there was no problem.

How did I react when Nate didn't turn up between 10 and 10:30 evening as promised? I sent a text message asking him to lend me 20 euro. And at about midnight I sent one asking if he had fallen asleep again -which happens every now and then, while waiting for it to be time to come to my place, 'cause poor little guy is soooo tired out of working so much -not like me, perhaps? - or if he had changed his mind and forgotten to tell me.

How did I react when he called next morning -at least he apologized- and said he'd come by to lend me a bit more than what I'd asked for? "Yeah, sure, come round. I'm leaving around 4 pm, so don't be too late.


Everyone seems used to me not caring when they fuck up. I don't mind the first -twenty- times, but get sick of this habit they get into.

By the way, when he came on Saturday, he promised to come to sleep on Sunday, called on Sunday to say he'd be there by 10:30-11 pm, and now -1 pm Monday- I would still be waiting, were I at home.