Tuesday, December 28, 2004

X-mas fun

X-mas fun

As every year, back home again for 24-25-26th and expected to be there 'till the 27th... but fortunately, a friend of mine was back in town only for Xmas, so I had to leave on the 26th in order to meet him. And we had been trying to see each other for over two weeks, so there was no doubt what to do!

One of the things I've noticed lately is that my son is getting to see through my family, noticing the little things that piss me off -how my sister's soooooo incredible in every single thing she does, while as I am a disaster and even my son behaves better if I'm not around! So, now I have an ally to whisper to at night, talking things over... On the other hand, I don't want him to get too distant from my family. Must find the right point.

Anyway, our best moments were 1) opening the presents, 2) the half hour I made my son wait in bed with me before going down to look for them, so it wouldn't be too early for everyone else, and 3) our excursions to the swings, on our own!

The worst moment was the night of the 25th, my sister having another go at us, shouting and bangign doors as we'd woken her up! -This was impossible, the noise from her room was before we walked up the stairs and into 'her area'. I thought I'd walked into an argument between her and her husband, but it seems it was all due to me -so uncaring, so stupid!

Movable Menu

We finally got winter in Barcelona! God, it's cold right now!!!

Am at a friend's flat, really cold. Coming up to her neighbourhood is an odissey. It's always a couple of degrees lower here than in the centre of Barcelona.

Came to help with some university tasks. Was bribed this morning by the image of prawns for dinner.

The menu kept changing, though:

10 a.m.: We'll get some prawns, and some nice wine. I'll ask my bf to do the shopping. yes, let's have a niiiice dinner.
6 p.m.: I think there are some caneloni in the fridge, my mother made them. That'll be nice, huh?
What happened to the pr-? well, never mind!
10 p.m., already at her place: Uh, can't find the caneloni. L. must have eaten them. But some nice fried chicken shall do, ok? Am making some soup out of my mother's leftovers she brought in a tupperware.
Hmm. The soup smells nice, fine. Chicken then.
10:15 p.m.: Hey, instead of fried chicken it shall be grilled chicken -all right?
Hey, whatever you have. Don't ask any more, because I keep salivating towards one taste and then you change your mind!
10:20 p.m.: Well, the soup should be ok, do you want anything else with it or will you have enough with the soup?
Don't look at me like that!!! No!!! NOOO!!! Leave that chopping knife!!!
O.k., I admit this last bit was made up. But almost. Me starving, finally had the famous soup and some bread & ham. Very little bread & ham.
And it's cold.

Friday, December 24, 2004

Easy Cam

originally uploaded by okokitsme.
This Easy Internet cyber has good prices for the monthly tickets, but is expensive for normal pay-per-hour use! Crappy installations, no Word, Excel, etc on the pcs so you can't touch up documents and instead of headphones yo have TELEPHONES!!!

Plus round crappy cams dangling from the wires, most of them either snatched or not working, and always almost impossible to balance (ROUND!)so people prop them up with all sorts of things, sticks them with chewing gum to the screen... Or go Mc Giver-style, as the girl next to me ;)

Thursday, December 23, 2004

Just a small reminder...


Sneaked from :The Fillmorewith all my love ;)

Play with your imagination, but don't let the important things out of focus ;)

Happy Cristmas,
New Year,

Monday, December 20, 2004

Thank God We Couldn't Get That Car!!!

Last night, I spoke to A. many times over the phone. She had given me two phone numbers, to co-ordinate the procedures to move her stuff from her old flat to her new room, one number belonguing to the guy who's rented her the room, the other one belongs to the girl who'll bring a car and take the stuff there, with my help.

Last night, besides inviting A. to spend some time at my place to recover from her mental, physical and nervious exhaustion, once she gets back in Bcn, I told her we had it all soted out for this morning's schedule. meeting aty my break-time from my classes, as she lived so close to the centre I'm studying at, and i'd see to her neighbour giving us the keys, getting stuff loaded in the car, etc. and send the other girl off to the new flat.

Then I developped this terrible back ache!!!!

I actually needed my son to help me to bed, and this morning I needed help getting my left sock and boot on!!! How am I going to help carry stuff down that terrible staircase!!!???

Then, shortly before leaving my flat, hobbling upstairs one step at the time, I got this sms saying the person who was driving the car couldn't make it today -Hip, Hip, Hooray!!!!

So, all I had to worry about was getting down to-and up from the underground, and up the satirs to my class, without looking too disgraceful.

Needless to say, dressed 'sensibly' today, to avoid atention!

Saturday, December 18, 2004

This time it's not her fault.

Dumped by M. again, phoned her at our meeting spot 15 minutes after our agrred time... and, of course, she isn't even in Barcelona!!!

But this time it wasn't her fault. Her son has just run away from the center he's interned at, with some other, elder guy, who has escaped a few times already.

She's been adviced to keep her other son away from home for the moment. When L.does turn up, whether it's today or in three day's time, she's been warned to expect bitter reactions and hard feelings. She can't give in, has to turn him back.

Can't help this time.

Friday, December 17, 2004

When should I start to say no?

Been way too busy this week. No time for posting, reading blogs, messengering, e-socializing in general.

Getting a friend's stuff packed for her while she's looking after her -very ill- mother, working on another friend's essay I promised to help her with, keeping up with my classes, investigating yet another friend's son's centre...

Wednesday, December 08, 2004


Cat invasion
Cat invasion,
originally uploaded by okokitsme.

Cat invasion

Went to visit my parents & sister. And brother in law, ok... but hardly saw him. Am not too used to living in a big family house, as I've spent so long sharing flats with friends or on my own, with my son. Am not too social, familywise -MA, check-spell that one for me ;).

But one thing that IS fun is checking out the new additions to the Family Zoo they have -hens, for the eggs, a turtle and a tortoise, a fish pond in the garden, a couple of fish tanks at home, a small bitch female dog and a larger male one, and a house cat downstairs with my parents and another one upstairs with my sis and broinlaw... plus a variety of street -or, more accurately, garden- cats they feed. Their latest love is tricky, who has stolen the position to Lady... Feeding them three times a day and managing not to let the dog eat the cats' food is real fun for Hugo!!!

originally uploaded by okokitsme.

My sister's cat...
As to my sister's cat, Diana, she's as fussy as her owner, so when her vegetarian mother is away, her cheating granny gives her york ham and bits of chicken -but still has to follow the rituals the cat demands!

This weekend was a long one, and there was a gathering of about 10 people for lunch at one time. All quite confused about what it is I'm studying, and even about me not having a boyfriend -they just found out I was with someone when I had actually split up allready... but that's another story! NEXT WEEK is gonna be even worse, like some corny film: my spanish granma is 95, so we're all gathering for a meal at a restaurant. Spanish family's all can really mean ALL!!! over 20 people, so far. I have no excuse not to go. Yet.

originally uploaded by okokitsme.
Feeling much better now I'm back home with my cat and son -full stop! ;)

Wednesday, December 01, 2004

Beautiful Late Thirties

...So serene, so placid!!!
  • Moi: Jobless, studying an International Commerce & Marketing course to see if I can become more competitive knowing the right terminology... Not knowng how I'll pay the next month's mortgage bill, and missing the adrenalin highs I used to feel this summer every time I saw -let's not even rememeber when I'd get to touch- the Macho Borracho!
  • E: Cops woke her up about ten days ago with a phonecall, her teenage daughter had been caught robbing some guys uptown, with a knife. Her -supposedly good-influence-at-last - boyfriend had got her into it.
  • M: Gulping Prozac down, her teenage eldest son is smoking pot -big deal! as I remind her, she used to smoke loads- and probably some other stuff is going on: becoming really out of control, she had to drop her great job she had finally managed to make click, stop flying Milano-Bcn for work, and concentrate on what's left of her family. Her new bf wasn't supportive about it all, and said he'd take for granted the younger son, who's fine, but wouldn't deal with elder one. He's now at a sort of de-tox camp/school or something??? Gotta get to see her and find out the straight details, her frantic sms are so mispelt I can hardly work them out lately!
  • Mi. cracked her shoulder, and with it her job as she's a fitness trainer... and has no dole due to irregular contracts, so she has had to rent her flat and move to someone else's place, outside Bcn
  • I: Finished her thesis for her Philosophy doctorate, trapped in a dangerous mind that now and then clicks the wrong way and surrounds her of tell-tale signs of the plot to turn her into a sect.
Forgot to remind you that:
  • Moi et E. are single mothers, no support from the state nor the once-proud-fathers
  • M. and Mi. had been married in a happy, placid middle-to high class surrounding, untill M.'s hubby became blatantly a womanizer and kept phoning his chick in front of M! -and Mi.'s hubby suddenly couldn't cope with family life!!! Now left on their own with sparce help from well-off exs who believe the little economical help given means the women still belong to them!!!
  • I. has no kids, and is married to a really intelligent, though also obssessive man. She has flings and affairs every now and then, hiding them from hubby. Alcohol dependence. Psychiatric treatment.
God, it's f*****g great to be a 30-something woman nowadays!!!

Friday, November 26, 2004

Uncomfortable Moral Victory

Had told Hugo I'd go see him at school before he went to do his homework and use the computers at the esplai. But. Was busy, very busy, and got slightly later than expected, and hoped he'd walked on to the esplai.

As I approached his school, I saw him arguing with this friend he has, quite a slow guy, big, fattish and not too bright for his age -a bit older than Hugo. They've become closer friends since Hugo started getting hooked on his Gameboy, as the other kid wastes spends most of his free time playing on his gameboy and says he knows zillions of tricks... though he fails every single exam at school!

So, I caught up with them and asked what was the problem. It seems this guy had to take his little 4-year-old brother to their godmother's bar, so that the guy could go 'study' at the esplai. The little one hated his brother for some reason and refused to leave the step he was sitting on. The big kid didn't know how to make him move. Hugo felt bad about leaving his mate on his own with the problem, but didn't want to be late at the study group either... he was getting really nervious.

So I asked the name of the little one, asked why he didn't want to move, ended up by picking him up and carrying him in my arms, and asked teh guy to lead me.

Where do we have to go?
To my godmother's bar.
Ok, but (smile, grit teeth) where is this bar?
Well, this way, but he wants to go that way, or else he'll cry again
Ok. Take us to the bar. Now. Please (grin)
Yes, this way.

God, he's so slow walking along chatting with Hugo, me carrying the other kid, who I don't even know, and talking calmly and reassuringly to him, asking him his age, saying I thought he was 5 -that always works on kids his age ;)- and found out he was sick of being bossed about. As Hugo and his friend were so slow, i told them to hurry, and asked which was the bar, in case I knew it. He said the name of the street.

Double shit.
In that small street, there's only two bars. One is my friend's, and he's definitly not the kids' godmother. The other one used to belong to this woman I can't stand for a number of reasons, had to teach a few English classes to some years ago and stopped talking to. She's an uneducated, badmannered abusive tank storming among the rest of people in the hood. She used to laugh in public and call me names due to my pretentious prices when teaching, not realizing I was actually charging her less for the few classes I stood with her... Anyway. I hoped that the kid meant one of the restaurants, or that the bar had changed owners -I obviously never step into that bar.

We finally get there, and I ask the kid to walk in ahead of me -just in case, so that they're not shocked at a stranger walking in with the little one in arms. This long-haired guy I don't know smiles and comes up to me, saying 'I think this parcel is mine' and I hand the kid over. Then I see hugo's friend talking to The Big Tank. Yes, she's the godmother! And she just stared at me, i said they were in trouble and I knew J. through Hugo, so I'd carried the brother here. The guy thanked me. She never moved from her eternal seat, at a table with a beer in front of her. No thank you. She started to interrogate both kids, furiously, but J said he had to leave, so she was left there, speechless. No thanks, of course. I smiled 'Bye' and left.

Hey, little big fat bitch, I am -as always- a much better person than you are ;)

Just proved once again I was right, you're a bitch :D

Tuesday, November 23, 2004

International Marketing and Commerce

International Marketing and Commerce course: ten days evaluation

Yeah, been to 10 sessions so now I can give my first second impressions first general impression:
  • Met three of the four main teachers. Two are great, highly qualified and dedicated, fun to listen to and good communicators. The other one is... lousy. Unefficient. Unexperienced.
  • Unfortunately, must say the bad one is the only woman in the team we've met. Must admit we're now fearing the other woman shall be similar!
  • Am much better at this than I thought! Most exercises are not just fine, but I get parts of the problem solved other students don't even realize about :D
  • Am one of the three people who often speak up in class, who offer solutions during discussions, etc. Am often asked by fellow students when they're not sure about something. Me thinking I wouldn't be at their level!
  • Already known to be bitchy!!!!!! Got people saying 'Aurea es Mala' with a giggle!!!!!
  • Got people thinking I can cast spells, only 'coz I said our lousy, nervious teacher might get a sick leave due to depression if we keep pressing her... and today this teacher was half an hour late!!!!!!!!!
  • Am really glad I took the course, and part of me hopes I can survive on the dole till March, to do the whole course. It is worth it, once we deal with Miss Nerves.
  • Part of me is still job-hunting, though more calmly, and shall have to consider what to do if I get a job before March.
  • Am not going to blog that much, with 5.5 hours a day at the course... but am still jotting quick notes on the other blog now and then.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004


Can't believe it! She did it again!

Called me last week a couple of times telling me about all the terrible things she's going through, and can we meet this weekend.

Called on friday to make sure if I'm going to her place with my son, or her coming to Barcelona. We agreed that, if it was sunny, we'd go to her place -if it's cold, Barcelona better.

Didn't reply to mobile nor phone until about 5 pm, by which time I assumed plans were cancelled and had eaten already, and when she does pick up the phone it seems her boyfriend, whom she'd ditched last week, had flown from Italy to see her and she was too besotted to remember text messaging me to make my own plans!

So, to apologize, she offers to meet on Monday for lunch, after my classes. I insist in making the arrangements already, but she prefers to phone or sms me during the morning -i.e., during my classes- to agree on our meeting point. She already knows where we'll be eating.

No phone calls nor messages. I phone a couple of times at coffee break, but nothing. Classes end. Nothing. Phone her, after sms-ing her. Still nothing.

Really pissed off I storm into a sandwich bar, read Thursday's paper, promise myself not to believe her again, phone once more and leave a bitter message, saying she'll phone some day and we may meet before she leaves Spain end of the year...

Then I get a message saying she's at a job interview, they phoned her as she was waving her boyfriend good-bye at the airport. So, twice in 3 days she forgets the minimum decency of sms-ing a note so I know what's going on???!!! Hey, I'm a single mother too, and often late, and often change plans due to work interiews-school meetings-etc, but always sms on my way wherever, so people aren't just standing around waiting for me!!!

Monday, November 08, 2004


It was his birthday yesterday.
I sent him a text message, at 12:20 a.m., full of hints and private jokes. He immediately phoned back, grinning his words out amazed I remembered.
He'd caught all the double-sided references and went on with the joke.
We did our regular Happy Birthday Mister President thing.
He said he'd get in touch soon, as he could hear in the background who I was with, someone he didn't really feel like seeing.
A couple of hours later we started with our sms exchange, famus by now.
Wasn't sure if his jealous gf was with him, so everything was based on coded jokes, just little things to make him smile, and his replies also made me feel close to him.
Declined meeting him, knowing he'd have a croud around.
Felt he still knows me, we both still care.
That's the main thing I miss from him.
He really knows how to make me laugh. And how to show he remembers little details.
Happy birthday, babe.

Friday, November 05, 2004


Definition: vent (EXPRESS FEELINGS) [Show

verb [T]
to express a negative emotion in a forceful and often unfair way

O.k., I'm getting back to my own calm, zen-inspiring self (laugh tracks omitted, please)after many a conversation over the American Elections, both online and live -these the best ones, beers helping us cool down a bit- and trying not to read too many articles on them, so I don't get back into my sour mood.

I can now say I still admit, as one of the letters to the editor at my regular newspaper pointed out, that 55 million Americans did vote against Bush and are just as sorry -or even more so, being directly under his thumb for another 4 years- and ashamed as us wise Europeans.

So, sorry to all you American guys'n'gals... I do stand up for you a wee bit too often for my taste, actually, but it's getting harder and harder to discuss American society, with the apalling Foreign Politics 'n all...

Besides, am too worried right now considering Arafat's imminent death and how Palestinians will deal with it. Sharon is simply being himself once more, blatantly undeterred by The Guardians Of Peace -hi, Junior!!!- and oposing to him being burried in Jerusalem, as he wishes... and preparing for more military action. Excerpts from the NYT:

Yasir Arafat, the Palestinian leader, was in serious condition on Thursday in the intensive care unit of a French military hospital after a drastic deterioration in his health. There were conflicting reports that he was fighting for his life.

It was a day of fast-moving and occasionally bizarre rumors but little hard information about the health of the 75-year-old Mr. Arafat, who for 40 years has personified his people's struggle for an independent state.

After both the Israeli media and the prime minister of Luxembourg declared that Mr. Arafat had died, the head of communications for French military health services felt compelled to issue a formal denial.


Mr. Arafat's decline touched off a flurry of political activity in Jerusalem and Ramallah, where Mr. Arafat has been confined for the past two and a half years. The Israeli military drew up plans to deal with possible unrest in the aftermath of his death, while political officials began searching for ways to ensure that, in the event of his death, Mr. Arafat would not be not buried in Jerusalem.

Palestinian officials focused on establishing lines of authority to keep up the day-to-day operations of the Palestinian Authority while Mr. Arafat is incapacitated, with Prime Minister Ahmed Qurei assuming some of Mr. Arafat's financial powers.

For some reason, I have the feeling the International Powers -UN, US, and so on- shall continue looking somewhere else when all this bursts ...too much Jewish money around. And once again -political correctness obliges- I shall point out am talking about Politics and the people who support Sharon, not the jews worldwide in general.

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Bush Jr Again!

Si no lees ingles... version espanola, que no traduccion ;)

Ya no hay excusas

I have honestly been trying not to blog the American elections the way I did with the Spanish ones -remember? I even thought I'd skip the results, maybe a side comment on this or that and even maybe at O.k., o.k., it's me! instead of here. But while I was having breakfast today, reading and glancing over bits of news, I really had my mind ticking fast -for a change! And you know once I get obsessive about something, that's it: a time/space warp!

So in fact, instead of ignoring this subject, i am actually blogging on both sides, both languages, but versions of my thought instead of complete translations. I have had a few messages from English speaking friends, asking how I'm managing to bottle up my thoughts on Bushy Boy these days... But I am simply trying not to get so involved, last February/March I got so hot'n'angry I erupted in spots got into a permanent sour temper as soon as something related to Aznar and Co. was mentioned!!!!!

The main point is, in Europe and specially Spain, there has been a long dislik towards Bush and American Politics in general... that often lead to a simplistic desdain towards the whole of US!!! I am sick of saying -as many other pseudo-calm debaters-Bushy Boy does not represent the whole of America, but now, with such a huge amount of votes... this is no longer easy to say.

Right, I can drop a couple of acceptable names to remind people that America is not only the WASP red-necks -say Woody Allen, Tim Burton, Tarantino, Lenny Kravitz, and other European-Standards accepted Americans :P. We can discuss the Beat generation, technology, Silicon Valley -poof! haha! sorry!- and FX, personal friends and artists we truly admire... but it is getting really hard for self-proclaimed European Liberals not to look at America over our shoulders. It is not something I like to do, and it really pisses me off when people I know sum up American Culture with Macdonalds and Coke, and Teenage Movies... But please, do help us a bit to understand why???!!!

The Old, Wise Continent was leaning towards Kerry. In general. Not talking only of left-wing parties, but as a general feeling. Bush has been too much of a School Bully. Too obtuse. Too ignorant. Too much the representation of what we understand as The Ignorant American. Newspapers, radio and TV programs talked over and over about what would happen if...? but seemed to trust Kerry would win... or at least get really close! At the bars, regulars kept talking it in a higher or lower depth, but generally hoping for a change. Almost giving it for granted.

La vieja europa (@Forges)
Machine to Drop your Shoulders in Despair

But no. It didn't happen. WHY? Probably because we can not apply European logics to the USA. Not saying that Americans aren't logical... but am talking about a different approach towards culture, politics, Foreign Affairs, news coverage... in general, by the man next dorr, not only proffesional analists. Americans seem to ignore an awful lot of what is going on abroad. They also seem to have a highly censored vision of their own domestic affairs, having the same kind of media as -almost?- in dictatorships, in fundamentalist countries... yet they proclaim themselves as The Land of The Free???!!!

We Europeans usually tend to imagine US is an enoooormous NY/L.A., with a few desertic areas in the middle. Inland doesn't really exist much in our vision, the rural America is only a place where teenagers camp and get their heads cut off... so it is really hard to extrapolate.

Europeans who spend some time at the US -studying, working... not just visiting- often use foreign news as a way to learn about what is really going on. Europe ignores a lot about African affairs too, for instance -yet I feel the general approach is slightly less self-centred. Or perhaps it isn't.

We do tend to think we're more and better informed than the US. It may just be the same old thing, reversed.


Another 4 years!

One last thing I really wanted to stress: the radically different effect Bin Laden's video has had on American votes, as opposed to the Madrid Bombing had on Spanish elections. This is really important: first, because we were discussing in Spain the possible 'Vote For Fear' that didn't seem to happen, whileas in US it has been possibly behind quite a good deal of the new votes. Second, because inSpain it was the last straw: Aznar's government had been so wildly egocentric and so manipulative that even before the bombing there was a strong awareness among the youth, that this time they should really make the effort of getting up earlier on Sunday and vote. But the way they tried to lie to the whole world, UN included, and demanded help from any possible source to make it clear that Islamic Terrorism had nothing to do... That was the final act. Nowadays people read all sort of news from Internet, not always reliable for sure, but it is much easier to double-and treble-check news.

It is getting harder and harder to manipulate people who really want to be informed. If they want to be informed. There's millions who are sitting confortably in front of the telly, swallowing whatever they receive... but for those who are eager to learn, there are many other ways of information. I truly, honestly, hope the US has voted out of analysis, not purely as a side-effect to a video or what Father So-and-so says.


Wouldn't you like to be the President of the United States?

And... what the hell shall Junior do now????!!!

Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Brazuca Matraca

Posting in a hurry. Might have time later to change it... but have a meeting in 20 minutes...

Am going to see Wagner play tonight*, at Sidecar... his band's last gig in Barcelona this year -see link to his webpage on your left, in my Links list!

The story: I was at a bar with a friend a few weekends ago, and saw this gig advertised. Felt like going, but being a Tuesday thought I'd better forget about it. Then I told Eva about it, so we planned to leave Hugo with her daughter, and go together and then sleep at her place. So: a rush tomorrow morning -her flat is much further away from Hugo's school- and I'll have to take my interview clothes for tomorrow morning -second round for a temp job I'm interested in!!! ;)


* P.D.: I really had a good time!

Friday, October 22, 2004

How can I be so busy...

...when I'm not working???
  • By helping my friends when they are ill or had an
  • By offering to help those who are packing their stuff to leave this goddamn expensive city
  • By wasting spending time at my son's school, helping at the PTA (AMPA) office
  • By spending hours at the cyber checking infojobs and other offers elsewhere
  • By going to interviews and tests, being passed on to second interviews, and no further
  • By blogging about these interviews, or these work efficiency tests, and then losing the post because the pc at this damned cyber goes freaky and erases everything before I can save
  • By playing around with both my blogs, and reading endless posts here and there...
  • By cleaning and re-decorating my flat, now I have time to do it! hahahaaha, can't lie!!!!!!!!
  • By checking silly things as my trackbacks, the updates and comments at Que Buscas QUÉ?! ... by the way, it seems I'm search by my name, more than once...

    Must remember ;) Posted by Hello

Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Fancy rice?

Was browsing through The New York Times' digital edition and found this great headline:Looks Like Diversity, but It Tastes Like Tuna*. It talks about the supposedly ethnic restaurants' menus, as opposed to the real stuff once you're in Vietnam, India or whatever.

"All you need are some different condiments, some different lighting and a
different-looking menu, and people think they're having a different meal," said
Mitchell Davis, a cookbook writer who teaches in New York University's
department of nutrition, food studies and public health. "They're not, because
they really want to be eating the same things: steak, cod and tuna tartare."

I have heard this from many friends who do travel, or are from different continents. I know it myself as the African Restaurants I've visited -Senegalese, mainly- have little to offer compared to my friends', some of whom are excelent cooks and have even published ethnic-oriented cookery books ;)
AAAAAHHH, and the (in)famous instant noodles sent by dozens to our Korean connection from his headquarters... way too spicy even for my asian friends, after jumping onto the bucket-styled packs I'd have given!!!!!!!! Still remember Mami pouring more and more boiling water into the bucket, to make it edible!!!!!!!
*If you want to read it, or any other suscriber-only stuff, try BugMeNot.com ;)

Tuesday, October 19, 2004

Long wait

Money is running down. Am getting quite desperate for a new job now, either that or some fill-in task such as bartending cash-in-hand stuff, whatever to help me pay aaaaaaaallll those bills I have monthly.

Haven't had an interview for two weeks, I think, It's maddening, worse than being rejected after the interview. Of course, there are many jobs I turn down -many 'coz they pay less than the benefit I'm getting from the State right now, so I could never manage with that sort of wage...

Note to self: Do Not Be Too Honest At Interviews Posted by Hello

Friday, October 15, 2004

First time on my own at the PTA office

I already said I'd volunteered to spend 4 ours a week at the Parents' Association office, at my son's school, until I get some work...
Well, ever since I've had a few unexpected meetings I've been dragged to -at 9:30 in the morning, or at 4:30 when collecting my son- and have been handed a load of names but not who they are or what am supposed to do with them. Only good thing so far had been that I got to talk quite a lot to another mother I would have never met, who is just as pissed off as me due to the lack of commitment from the parents who are supposed to be running the PTA, who seem to want to be the Holy Saints Who Do Everything, cry for support and then never turn up to give you the minimum info you'll need.
Am staying only Thursdays 4:30-6:30, in the end, and extra moments to help preparing festivals, deco, food for parties, etc... but have also been an afternoon counting out plastic cups and plates for the next party -La Castanyada- and terribly exciting stuff like that.
Last night I got a phonecall from one of the mothers who run the PTA, and we'd agreed to meet this morning, to get my set of keys, info, etc so I can start properly next week. Ha!. I was there from 9:30 'till about 12:30 or so!!!!!!!!!! Re-organized files in the computer, made new lists with phones, timetables... and helped pack a load of books to return to the editors! This was specially good: I had a good laugh with the janitor, a young, intelligent, cool guy I talk to sometimes, and now we were just making fun at the way things worked (or didn't) at the PTA office.
To my horror, when the other woman left and asked me to finish off what she had started -by the way, the only box wrongly marked was the one she'd done ;)!- the school Head came to ask me if there was Theatre workshop today. I just stared at her blankly, and said I had no clue: Id try and find out!!! The phone list proved useless: the person in charge of the Theatre activities had only a landline and wasn't there, the PTA director had his mobile switched off, and the only person I managed to speak to was as lost as me!!! Inthe end, the Janitor said 'Forget it, we'll just say there's no theatre class today, it's Friday after all and tomorrow Saturday... just forget it ;)!

Talking 'bout theatre: been offered to assist for free to theatre lessons by a guy I know who teaches on Thursdays... as usual, no phone conections so I have to bump into him again to get the exact address... he showed me it once, his ad, but I was in a hurry right then...

So, if there's less posts lately it's because I'm posting quickies at my other blog , or busy busy at my son's school. Not because I found a job yet!

Tuesday, October 12, 2004

What a night...

Last night I was supposed to teen-sit and look after Eva's daughter, who has crashed Eva's bike when she sneaked out with the keys to meet her boyfriend and go for a ride, while Eva was sleeping. Neither her nor the bf have the legal age nor the licence to ride that bike. Now she has a sprained leg, he has a fucked up knee, and Eva has a fucked up bike, that she can't even claim to the insurance as it was crashed by two teenagers, before Eva could even use it legally -she was waiting for October 19th, when the law changes and you can use a medium-sized bike with your car licence.

I was staying overnight just because she wasn't feeling too well, and Eva had a date. Which was a disaster. She left saying she'd phone next day to see if she'd come for lunch, yet by 2 a.m. she phoned to say she as already on her own, and on her way back.

I'd warned her. She'd got too excited with this new guy, after one night, and she said it was going to be great because she already knew him as an acquaintance of her ex's, and they'd been soooo well together... So when he phoned, to meet last night, of course I stayed at her place for her to go... but with a warning: don't expect too much!!! It seems I was right. They met, had a drink with some friends of his, he said she was great, but he was buying a house in another town with a girl, and was leaving the next day. So he was supposed to meet some other friends last night, to have the last drink, among which was a girl he was secretly in love with.

So they all left, she then found out they hadn't even paid for their beers, and she came home. To find her daughter laughing, explaining her adventure to her teenager friends -she'd told me it was ok for visits, there were about 4-5 kids here when she came back.

The rest of the night, after a big row with her daughter, was spent in going over and over her problems with men, her eagerness to find a love in the first guy who smiles at her, how she must keep her cool... And going over and over her problems with her daughter...

'I really hope that, well, that you get to do it better, or that Hugo is an easier teen... but I really hope you don't have to go through this. I just can't cope with her. I love her, really, and she isn't a bad person, but all she wants to do is hurt, hurt, hurt!'

Am now waiting for her to come back, and we'll go to Park Güell for a walk... guess she's been to catch Roger after taking his pictures of the sunrise.

Monday, October 11, 2004

Need a job

On Friday I went to buy a present for Hugo's friend, gave in and bought a new toy for Hugo too, and walked out of the shop with 4 euro. Bank, let the card get me some money.
You have 7.56 euro

So. No money for the weekend. No money until Monday, at least. Unless we got in time to our lawyer, and pray we could cash the check on Saturday morning -being a legal matter, sometimes there are restrictions.

Also, had a date :P on Saturday, after Hugo's friend's birthday party. So I needed some cash to get me over that, get a few beers so as not to seem I take for granted men pay for everything. We'd already agreed to only have a few beers, no dinner out or disco to avoid expenses...

I guess I must have received the dole money now. But that won't cover mortgage, Hugo's school expenses, phone bills, etc -this month it was paid out of what I had left, next moth I'll have nothing by the time bills turn up.

Must shake myself up and make some decisions. So far, am pinned, am feeling useless, am not sure which way to take my first step. Too much time to think. Too little action. Must change my frame of mind immediately, before I touch rock bottom -my dear old place.

Guess so much time online isn't that good, either. Am checking jobs, of course, and have had many interesting interviews thanks to Infojobs' listings of jobs. Am really satisfied with how InfoJobs works. And the companies that use it are quite god ones, major companies, and local but serious.

But of course... online means also chatting, surfing -today's time-wasters were:The Crossroads - Pulp Phantom, Pulp fiction meets Starwars :P ; Jeff Bridges.com, his hand-written blog! O_O; Exactitudes ...so beautiful, so unsettling?: A good project; Fool's World Map ...how I relate, after so many embarrassing questions from co-workers, such as 'Italy is in Europe, right?'- we're in Spain, and that company worked daily with Italy, just accross our coast!!!

Should I list the interesting job ads today? Ok: .

Yes, you got it ;)

Thursday, October 07, 2004

Big Mouth Strikes Again

Been to a Parents' meeting at Hugo's school.

Couldn't keep my big mouth shut, so when they started moaning about always being more or less the same people at the meetings and helping with activities, I said I was only able to attend 'coz I was out of work, but had mentioned many times before at their office that they could try having some of their meetings on weekends. No, of course not, no-one wants to spoil their week-end to attend. Well, I had been working for the last 4 years from 9 am till 6:30 or 7 pm -and a year and a half it wasn't even in the same city as the school is! And just as me, many parents work at shops -open till 8 or later- or offices, etc also till late hours. So meetings on weekdays, at 6 pm, are not necessarily convenient to everyone.

So, after pulling faces at every other word the president spoke, as he defended no-one would go on a week-end, and that it is only these Holier Than Thou people who would help anyway, I only just had to offer help while looking for work. Which I already had done, at their office, but to some other members of the association.

Result? Can I just be quiet and help at one little thing, focus on my jobhunting and helping Eva out?... No, of course not. I'm not sure if it's a result of my recent migraine or what, but I ended taking four hours a week until I get a job, Tuesdays and thursdays, at their office, plus deal with their e-mails and mailing lists, plus help at the next couple of parties and events at the school. Ta-daaa!!! Just like I was so involved at Hugo's nursery... but without the financial help I was having back then, when Bernard still helped out... so i could deal with helping around and not just WORK, WORK, WORK!

Anyway... sweet side? finally got to see a face I was craving for ;)

Friday, October 01, 2004

Fira del Llibre-II

God! Am a bookoholic, always have been, but sometimes my B:A: sessions seem to work better than others!

And in case it ain't enough with the books I have at home, waiting to be read, and the ones I've already thought of re-reading, I have been buying quite a load of them lately, reduced prices and little treasures...

On this same blog I've been talking about the load of books I bought before hugo came back, and then at my B-tracks I spoke about the ones I got last weekend at the Fira del Llibre, now I passed by again and bought some Unamuno essays I hadn't read yet for only 1.80 euro, an Elmore Leonard -in Spanish, though :(- I hadn't read yet for 2 euro, and Infernaliana , by Charles Nodier , in French also for 2 euro!

Am logging off, to get back home and read a bit ;)

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

Update: Eva's much better

Am going to visit her in a few hours -expected to see her this morning, but phoned first and she said too many people were there already... so to go with Hugo.

Typically, she just phoned me now saying she's bored and can I go up to her place now? It takes ages, a long bus ride as there's no underground on her hilly 'hood, and I must be back in the centre in two hours, so no way can I go now!

Anyway, seems like she's feeling much better today. Has sick leave for 5 days, and must rest as she has a bad headache, and looks terrible, but doens't think it shall leave too many marks.


Been playing around with my cameraphone late last night. Can see some of my new stuff on the B-tracks, or on the Zeigeist on your right ;)

Haven't uploaded all the trees and clouds pics I did yesterday... sloooooooowly, please as I'm not sure if the offer of free sending mms I received before this camphone is still applied on my phone, or if it's expired.

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Best model? -Pira, of course!

Pira, of course
Pira, of course,
originally uploaded by okokitsme.
Some of my first pics here, and of course I started off with my cat and my son, the two people whO spent most of their time around me. And the two who anc not complain too much while I'm chasing them around, camera in hand :)
I like Pirata's eyes here... I took some closer ones I didn't quite like... and shall try and repeat. I was also trying to get my own eyes, and Hugo's close up, but not satisfied yet with the results. Got to get to the best light for this limited camera.

Di algo
Di algo,
originally uploaded by okokitsme.
This is the first piture Hugo took of me... caught me playing around, so he could click whenever he liked my pose :D

Hugo might even get his own Flickr acount, as he loves photography... and we can not afford too much developing right now

Shy guy
Shy guy,
originally uploaded by okokitsme.
First photo I took of Hugo on this phone, so he was still 'shy to pose'. He wanted to pull his 'Good Boy' face -but was too excited with the new cameraphone to keep his mouth straight!

Hugo smiles
Hugo smiles,
originally uploaded by okokitsme.
...and this one is my wallpaper on the phone!

By the way, couldn't remember from where I donloaded 'Boys don't cry' to my previous mobile, so after much searching I got now 'Close to me', also from The Cure. It is actually a better ringtone, once I get used to it ;)

My first photo
My first photo,
originally uploaded by okokitsme.
And, yes, my first picture on this device was -of course- of my patient, loving, camera-friendly cat, Pirata. Notice the bad focusing when the lighting is not good enough. Sigh!

From now on, I think most of my cameraphone photos shall be on the B tracks... or you can check my Flickr link on the right ;)


Hadn't had any accidents nearby for a few months, after the spell between Easter and end of May, where first Joan fell of his motorbike in a crash, then Hugo got knocked over by a motorbike on his way to school, and then Nate fell off his bicycle and had a bad back for a week.

Last night, around 11 p.m. or so, I got this phonecall from Josep Maria, one of Eva's 'bodyfriends' -he was a bit shaken, but being the fellow philosopher he is, he managed to talk calm-yet-shaky. He said Eva had had an accident, and she was now at the vall d'Hebron emergency wards, had been hit by a bus while walking home in her 'hood, and that some guy called Roger was with her right now. He was busy this week, and couldn't get to see her -ley my eyes roll here- so he wanted me to find out as much as possible, and keep him informed. O.k., he knew I'm not working, so I really do have time for visits and he is working, but still...

So I phoned Laida, her daughter, and tried to find out a bit more. Yes, Eva walked home after the accident, but then she fell unconscious in front of her daughter, who immediately phoned Roger -another of Eva's bodyfriends, and a neighbour- to come and help. They carried Eva to his car abd theb to hospital and ...Laida knew little more. She'd called her grandma to go to stay with Eva, and I offered her to come sleep at our place, but she'd stay at her boyfriend's parents', nearby.

We agreed she'd phone whatever time at night, if she had any news.

This morning, still without any news at 8 a.m., I sent a few sms: to Eva's mobile, so that Laida would see it, to Maite's to ask if she had any further news, to Joan, my ex, who introduced me to Eva...

Then, from about 8:30 'till 9:20 I had about 10 phonecalls: Laida, Maite, Josep Maria, Laida, Maite, Joan... It seems Eva was there 'till 4 a.m., had many tests and was sent home but the doctors asked Roger to prevent Eva from sleeping until a certain amount of hours passed. She's finally sleeping at his place, and expects to get back home this afternoon. She's not feeling well, but has only the knock on her face, no internal damage.

Shall phone this afternoon to see if she needs help and/or feels like me visiting or wants to sleep.


Originally uploaded by okokitsme.

Might as well start playing with my cameraphone, and experimenting how to get the most out of its limited possibilities :D

These are two pics of my fav bag, Eva bought me it a year and a half ago... when we bumped into some unexpected money :D

My bag in the sun
Originally uploaded by okokitsme.

It has a beautiful print, and beads sewn on -but as it is our sort of crappy technology -Vel ;)- the beads keep dropping off and me knotting loose bits of cotton so as not to lose any more beads. Endless fun!

Monday, September 27, 2004

Broken technology: Broke me

As many know, my PC never survived the test of spending 2 years at Magda's place, stored until I had a flat of my own again. Jesu had promised me -via his ex- that he'd give and install me his old PC, still working and better than mine was -he works in the business- as soon as he was feeling well enough. Last week I got this message on my answerphone, for some reason the PC was not working! So there's no free pc for me so far, and am not in the position to buy one, not even by installments, until I get a job and a better income than this dole money :(

So... what else can help my incommunication? On Saturday, Hugo put a bottle of fizzy water in my beach bag... without screwing the top on tightly!!! so my many papers and info in my bag were ruined, and also my mobile!!!!!!!!!! As am jobhunting, can't afford not to have a mobile with me, so I went and bought another one today -easier said than done!

First I went to Telefonica/Movistar at Plaza Catalunya, as I was nearby, and after 20 minutes queuing, decided to go elsewhere. Then I went to another Telefonica/Movixtar official shop, full to the brims but with more people behind the desks than the first one... and a lady in uniform came to ask what I wanted to do -change mobile, change modality of contract, etc- and said I had to go and phone such-and-such number from a phonebox outside before anything else, to get my points. But I said so far whenever I changed my mobile, the shop itself did this -and i couldn't use my mobile as it wouldn't even switch on!!!

Nothing to do, treated a bit as a nuisance, I saw I had to either go find another place, or agree on phoning this number, mobile-priced (let alone free-of-cost) and find out how many points I had exactly.

The third phonebox did work. So I put in a few coins, but wasn't enough so put in a € coin. Automated reply, and then I get to the point I have to enter my bank account -after giving my phone number, Identity number, etc... and I haven't got it with me. Am waiting to see if when you don't reply you get to an operator, but no... it just cuts off!!!

Phone again, this time I'd click onto operator option half-way-through... and then this guy gets on the line, and says yes, he'd check the number is for me -name, surnames, DNI number again... but still he needs my bank account anyway!!! I am running out of coins -over i.80 euro by now- and he's still telling me it's for my own safety ...so i hang up, as it's beeeeping no more credit! =(

Finally go back home -6 underground stops and out of my way for the cyber etc- and get my bank details just incase, and go to the Telefonica/movistar outlet in my hood. No problem, no need of my bank details, just my DNI and phonenumber... and they dealt with everything else.

GOT A CAMERAPHONE!!! Though the second-cheapest one, with difference! A Telefonica make, not a Nokia or Siemens, Motorola... I hope it's ok. Not sure how to email the pics yet, but much fun sure soon!!!

...and I just found out the Tax Return I was expecting actually did arrive, about a week ago, and only 300 euro... so I'm really broke, i thought I could still count on that besides what I'd seen in my account!

Saturday, September 25, 2004

Harry Potter, Shrek 2...

...Hugo is back in town, and I am back into Other Kinds Of Entertainment. But. I am enjoying Harry Potter, though it takes time off Ian Dury... and I looooved Shrek 2.
Also am carrying tons of weight in my bag, between both my book and his, plus our beach stuff in case we go, plus his toys chosen for the day, plus his long sleeved t-shirt and mine for the chillier evenings... plus all the shit I usually carry anyway!
Sent a c.v. to a really interesting company. Not gonna say much more, don't want to talk too much. But it would be an interesting environment, a film distributor focused on lesser known, non-commercial films... sigh!
Anything else interesting lately? Not that much. The surprise of Nate actually bringing over two of the promised HP books for Hugo, about 4 or 5 mionths after his first mention of the idea ;) -and less time at the cyber, as am more on the beach and at the swings :D.
Oh. Yeah. And the promised PC my friend was going to hand me over and install et all, it isn't working now, so no PC at home again. Can't possibly buy one now, even by installments, with so many expenses to cover every month and so little money coming in right now.

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Making the most

of these last warm days, and of not having any job interviews... so now I've made my mind up to go to the beach as often as possible, and went on Friday with Hugo after school -him in his underpants and new cut-off gloves, and begging me not to take my clothes off until I'm ready to go to the water- and then on Monday again -this time he was a bit more at ease with nudeness, am starting to de-tox him from his grandparents' style! he ctually took his underwear off and swam with me, and played around only realizing every now and then he was naked.
This morning I went to the beach again, after watching Spring, Summer, Fall, Winter...and Spring (Bom yeoreum gaeul gyeoul geurigo bom)* and still in a contemplative and thought-scrutinizing mood. I love the beach now, when you really feel like lying in the sun, on the warm sand, with a breeze tickling you and the sea is nice and cool, but not too cold to enjoy yet. I miss bumping into Ian as I used to, years ago, before he went back to England. He used to turn appear from somewhere, walking the kilometers of the beach taking in the sun and breeze as I was... and we'd have one of our useless talks that never got anywhere... Just felt really nice.
Yet, when still breathing in the air, and caressing the sand, I suddenly heard someone address me, and ask where my son was. I'd been coming to this nudist beach during the summer, when it was quite crowded, and I only bumped into people I knew very few times, besides the friends I'd go with or arrange to meet. So I was surprised to have someone know me, as I hadn't seen any familiar faces. It was this guy who'd been commenting with me about Hugo and his nerves when he first took his pants off yesterday.
He asked to sit next to me, and as I didn't really care, I said ok. But then he went on and on and on about how uncool and non-understandable people who had prejudices about nudity were, and how natural it was to sit around as we were, and how he never got turned on by nudist women on the beach -let alone a stiff- and so on. Too late to tell him to move somewhere else, I just ended burying my head in my much enjoyed Ian Dury biography, and to my dismay that encouraged him to talk even more and more!!!
Then I got the regular complaint about how 'serious' I am, and questioned whether he'd said anything that had bothered me. I had to say it was nothing in particular, but I had just come to the beach to read and relax, and a little conversation was ok, but I didn't really want to talk and talk. I wanted to relax. And read.
It got worse when I saw his dick was starting to twitch -and he was going on about how I was a real vision, laid under the sun and playing with the sand in my hands, looking like a queen (?) (sic), and that 'oops!, you've got sand all over you, do you want me to knock it off for you?'
Chuckles from people around us. As I said not many people, so it was easy for them to see what was going on, besides many of us have never spoken or only exchanged a couple of words or so, but we know each other by sight and can roll eyes or pull silly faces when something happens.
This time it was quite a general cough/chuckle, and people shifting so as to cover giggles.

* Hadn't heard any Korean since I lost my job in July, and it was nice to listen to the sing-song tones I'd become so used to.
Beautiful settings. Makes you re-think if it is worth living the way we do, in big cities, hurrying, dong things we really couldn't care less about only for money... But then I personally believe it does. For me. And the ascetic life had tempted me some times while studying... but am too driven by impulse and passions, got to drink the whole cup even if it's poisoned.

Friday, September 17, 2004


Today I went to Macba to finish seing an exhibition I'd left half-way-through and had a re-visit ticket for -just to find out it's finished!

So I passed by Kosmopolis . Just for a while, as I can go in for free thanks to my 'Amics del CCCB' card. Passed by the bookcrossing section and got a book. Cursed myself a bit for not having brought a few books I would have liberated, and headed down to the Hall where they had some interesting projections. Walked half-way into Allen Ginsberg going maniac with some texts, and sat out the rest of "Poetry in Motion 2" really enjoying discoveries such as Helen Adam, a Beat Generation wild, enchanting poet who, now under a beautiful silver bobbbed hair and huge reading glasses, and wearing an incredible parsley outfit, was reciting and acting out, adn ended singing madly her tales of a haunted flat she's renting to someone 'suitable, non-smoker, no children'... once she's got rid of her husband by slaughtering him! ;) Yessir, I'm gonna dig further into this discovery. Would thank any contributions -interesting links, book donations ;)

Then came "Resistencia: Hip Hop en Colombia" , a good documentary on Colombia's toughest side, everyday life in Medellin, Cali, Bogota's hardest outskirts -barrio de Las Cruces- and how politics, U.S., paramilitar troops and drug mafias are all fighting each other and driving the population to complete misery. Hip Hop is their escape. Without any money to buy records or music equipment, there's dozens of good MCs and Human Beatboxes, kids rapping in the street against drugs & guns in the hood, breakdancers telling us what it's all about, and graffitti artists with no money to buy spray cans.

Then it was the turn for "FREEDOM HIGHWAY", which I was not sure I could stay to watch completely but was really interested in, so I stayed for a while, and once they got to the Soweto choir singing the Nkosi Sikelel' iAfrika and I broke into tears as usual with this chant, I thought 'enough is enough, babe, go to the cyber and check your stuff there!'


Sunday, September 12, 2004


originally uploaded by okokitsme.
At last Anna sent me something worth sharing. She's the typical person who keeps sending attachments, jokes, and so on... but this one is good.

Hmmmmmmmm... so 3 durex means it would be with...

Thursday, September 09, 2004

B Tracks

Do you remember when music used to come in the form of a big, black plastic (vinyl, technically) disc, that had tracks on both sides, and you could select the track you wanted by placing manually the needle on the track you counted as the right one..., and then you could also buy a smaller (but still huge for you Nokia generation) disc in that fragile plasticky thing, with their tacky cardboard covers our cats love wrecking?

Those days, if you liked a song but didn't have enough cash for the L.P. (the enormous version, with less songs than in a cd), then you could buy the single -which, confusingly enough, didn't have One Single Song, but usually two, or sometimes more. Because those days there where no MP3s, no Ipods... hell, there hardly were any computers around!!!

Not going into Maxis, E.P.s, etc. Enough history lesson.

But remember the concept. They were caled Singles, but actually had 2 songs. One on each side!!! And hence the B-track idea. People used to buy singles because of The Song. The A track. But you had some space on the other side, and had to use it.

Sometimes the B-track was the songs that didn't make the album -the L.P. Sometimes they were real crap. Or remixes of the original song -quite favoured inthe 80s. Yet some other times the B-tracks where the less comercial, more adventurous songs. Some have proved to be, as years passed by, much better songs than the popular hit of the moment, the A track. So out came compilations of B-tracks. The real stuff, less controled.

Anyway. All this is just to say, from now on this blog has aB Track . Don't know how it's gonna work. But it shall keep this A-track saner. I think.


Yma Sumac, Bukowsky

Been buying cds and books this week. Getting ready for my son's return home and the end of my nights out.

Most of them were in special offers, at Happy Books, Fnac and Gong. But two were not. Two of these purchases were full-price, and am sure I could have found them cheaper. But I just had to buy them. Which? Why?

Why?... Yma Sumac, to me, is Anabel, the street and cabaret artist, performer, puppet maker, mad illustrator I have spent so much time with. It was her who introduced me to Yma's music, through a tape that was a copy of a copy of a copy... and which i got copied too! Poor quality sound is being really optimistic, but hey, I only started buying CDs a year ago! But the connection is more intense: to me, Anabel is really Ymasumac-esque, if you allow the expression. Her choreographies to Yma Sumac's music, with fire dancing on her body, are worth remembering. And my 24th birthday party, with a bizarre soundtrack, was recurrent on this tape, every 2 or 3 other albums. And Anabel's appearence, art and temper are also totally Ymasumac-esque. In fact, we are in another of our usual periods of distance, after one of our flammable arguements, but no doubt we shall drift together again. Sometime.

Bukowsky, on the other hand, is to me Falikovich, a.k.a. Deborah, the young girl who used to hang around me admiringly until she realized it was me who admired her! It was with her that I started our preformance group, with her that I was filming shots of this and that, making happenings at trendy discos, interviewing the cool at their uncoolest moments... Her writings were really good, her energy too. She had me as a mentor, her image of The Woman. I had her as a younger, fresher version of me. She was always reading and quoting Bukowsky. I never thought much of his books. Am reading him now, to honour her memory. No, she's not dead. She's learning to play an instrument. She made me guess, and I did on my second try. First I said the Triangle -she's totally unmusical!. Then I said the trombone.

What else have I bought? Quite a few things. Like, in CDs:

As to the books I got,


*Yes, the nickname came from the crowd at my flat on Escudellers: djs, musicians, journalists, plastic artists -man! I remember Dani's clay fingermarks all over my radio/cassette player! I think the original idea came from Albert, then singer with The Flashback V, later kicked out as far as I learnt, when I came accross them again through Luis.

By the way, -Remember this song?

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends.

Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,

So Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a color TV ?

Dialing For Dollars is trying to find me.

I wait for delivery each day until three,

So oh Lord, won't you buy me a color TV ?

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a night on the
town ?

I'm counting on you, Lord, please don't let me down.

Prove that you love me and buy the next round,

Oh Lord, won't you buy me a night on the town ?


Oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

My friends all drive Porsches, I must make amends,

Worked hard all my lifetime, no help from my friends,

So oh Lord, won't you buy me a Mercedes Benz ?

It's one of the three songs I kept getting played as a salute, when entering a bar o small disco with some dj friend of mine. Also some friends would play it when I walked into their home parties.

The other two were:


Monday, September 06, 2004

Free. Together.

Realized I'm not losing Joan. As a friend. As a person. As someone who knows you and loves you.

He realized he has me on his side. Whatever. Whenever. He realizes he loves me, he knows who I am and where I am at.

We had a really close night. Laughing. Gossiping. Lying. Admitting. Catching up with things. Those little things. he knew I'd laugh at his Coke Light in the fridge.-'What the hell???!!!'. I knew he'd laugh at my teenager approach towards N, and how I can't get him out of my mind, nor dare move closer to him.

He was jealous when he realized I'm in love. He wanted to know how long I've been this mad about N. I am no longer jealous of his girlfriend, that is over. But I am a bit sick to know who else he is with... and was jealous when he was admiring for an hour a girl at the disco we were then...

He's proud of me, and is glad to introduce me to his friends I hadn't met yet and we bumped into. I'm so glad I met him. He boasted about the guy who asked after me at a music bar, and said he was drooling like Homer when he sees a doughnut. He counts on me as his girl; I count on him as my guy. Corny. True.

He knew before I told him which advertising spot is my pet hate, I knew before he said which one was his.

Good job we didn't lose this. It is the main part of our relationship. Sex is elsewhere, but intimacy is rare.

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

Just finding new ways...

to make me smile. Have found in Flickr a load of creativity, whileas I'm using it a very boring way for the moment -a.k.a. Eva's wedding pics, to blog them. Just wait till I get a digital camera ;)

Am still in awe with electricinca's way of using the Comments on the pictures: I'd advise you to read the story...

So I am renewing my belief in the other world, full of creative people, I thought was long lost.

Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Wasting time

Can't remember tne name of this minor goth band I saw at a small club in the 80s, whose record I haven't listened to for ages... yet keep remembering and singing to my self the words "In my dreams... I keep wasting time/ wasting time, time, wasting time/wasting time, time -wasting time" it was a north-european techno/dark band, something like The Iceberg Project. Should check if I still have the e.p. or lost it in my 2-year-storage of boxes where I lost soooo many things I treasured.

Been playing with my blog, as you may notice. Lost it and re-organized it many times.

Been online to a girl i used to work with, who left Takezo at the time I'd announced I was leaving to.

Been reading Una vida absurda produce desvarios, Mwah!, MinJungKim.com - Braindump v 5.0...

Been reading a friend's Homepage as am thinking of him coz am reading the book he'd lent me.

Been losing myself in the web, so I can stop considering over and over what I'm going to do with my future.

So now must hurry to the pet shop, before it closes... and then off to the Centre de Cultura Contemporania de Barcelona to the MECAL sessions


(later, in a different frame of mind, after a few hours of Mecal...)

Just remembered it wasn't The Iceberg Project, but The Iceberg Model-still, the only entry for them in yahoo or Google is the picture of the record I have, plus this Mailorder!!!

Yeah, still with hte words in my mind.

Vel, I saw the dj you were stalking at 23 and La Paloma, remember? He was at the Mecal film festival. Still looking as intense.

Monday, August 30, 2004

Puzzled. Perplexed.

Saw Him on Friday night. After a month without seeing each other.

He was so happy to see me.

He ran up to me and gave me a dozen kisses on my face, on my neck. And a great, big hug.

He ran off again after that.

He came up to me a few more times with the same routine.

No words at all.

No dancing with me.

No wonder I was worried when I realized I was falling in love with Him.

No wonder we get along well.

Treasure Hunt

On Sunday my mother flung a party for Hugo. He shall be 9 on the 6th, but for some reason the party was 8 days earlier. Sigh.

I always prepare another party for him once he's back in Barcelona for school, with his real friends. But my parents have only made 2 parties for him, despite the huge house, the garden and the swimmingpool they have, as opposed to my tiny basement flat.

The thing is, I have to pay for all the expenses for the Barcelona party -food, party loots, prizes, etc- yet for the ones at my parents', I prepare the games and pay for the party loots and prizes, while my mom gets the food ready. So I am paying for treats for double the kids now. Wow.

And getting party ideas for two sets of kids, in a short time...

Anyway... I went for the following games, in case anyone was interested:
  • Treasure hunting: there were a series of clues hidden all over the garden and house, allways in rhyme, never too complicated as I know my son's friends and their attention span, but not too obvious either. Every clue had also a little parcel with either sweets or tiny toys, as a minor prize. At first the boys didn't want to play, but after encouraging them 'till they found the first clue hidden according to my initial directions... they went absolutely mad about it!!!!
  • Crocodile hunting: I'd got a blister with 20 tiny crocodile stickers, and stuck them half-hidden in an area that was easy to control, but with quite a bit of rocks and plants & trees... a bit of a jungle for the smaller kids!!! I had originally intended this game for the smaller kids, and it worked out perfect that the elder boys wanted to swim a bit while the litttle girls and smaller boys were 'hunting crocodiles'.
  • The Mummy: Originally it was going to be in two or three teams... but in the end it was 3 children and me playing, so Hugo & Angelo were against Marina and me... we had to wrap one of the members of the team in toilet roll as fast as possible, and trying to cover them up completely as an egyptian mummy!!! As Hugo & I had experience in this, we wrapped the other two. They couldn't stop giggling when they started to see themselves transformed...

The rest of the games we didn't do in the end, the sun came out and into the pool we went. Am glad I still have the hack with small children, after so many years in office and adult world ;)

Thursday, August 26, 2004

Hey, blogger!

Why the @#%% do you not show my most recent posts unless I go to the archives???!!!

I have asked this by the helpline, but they didn't give much help.

Thanx anyway. Mustn't bite the hand that feeds my blog.


One of the things I learned, and can clearly see now, is I have 'A beautiful pentacle in your left hand, that is protecting you and should help you if you try to explore other fields and find a use for all the intelligence and creativity you seem to be wasting'.

Originally uploaded by okokitsme.

Pentagrams and Pentacles seem to be, quite truly, a sign of protection, of 'lucky star' -which I know I have, believe it or not!- and of white magic. It is also associated to the feminine, to the godesses, to nature... and commonly to Satan worship, as a later use.

I am once again seeing a line in my recent readings and interests:

  • I was fascinated to learn about Justo Gallego. He is building a cathedral in the outskirts of Madrid, out of debris and donations.
  • Have just finished reading 'Touch' by Elmore Leonard, where this guy Juvenal has stigmata and the power to heal people and uses it at an AA detox centre.
  • Am reading 'The Da Vinci Code' by Dan Brown, where the Pentacle and the Divine Goddess is explored

These books have probably been chosen because of my mood, but I had started reading the Da Vinci Code before having my palms read.

Introspection is the name of the game.

Tuesday, August 24, 2004


As you can guess by my posts lately, am going through a moment of reflexion.

A time of questioning my recent years. A time of looking at my future in the eyes and trying to decide if what I see is what I want.

A time of chills, more than fear. A time of goosepimples, of sitting on the floor in a corner, watching cars and people pass by.

Also a time of living my emotions openly, passionately. Haven't finally talked about Valencia, but Eva became conscious there and then of how I am changing. She hasn't known me long enough to recognize what this means. Patricia would immediately, should she read this some day. Marta and Isabel are aware of what's going on, but not to what extent, and Mary-Anne may recognize my days of Nietzsche and Bataille* and the influence of Dionysos in my everyday life...

Am transported somehow to 1991. The year I found out about my megaprolactinoma. The year I used to walk the streets for hours looking up into the sky, and learnt to find my way through the city according to the roofs and tops of buildings, instead of by the shops on street level...

It's weird. Really.


Suddenly started meeting people I had close contact with in that year -or 1990-92- ...and hadn't seen since. This was after starting to realize what I was feeling. I have this vision of all the masks I've had to wear one on top of another, to gradually become the secretary I am now, melting and bringing the fresh air back to me... but then what???!!!

Had my palms read for the first time in my life, someone trustworthy, and the things she said also carried me there. She talked about how much there is hidden in me, of how specially emotive and passionate I am, and even so how little I hide it... but how I hide my personality and my gifts, how I am not using my intelligence or my creativity enough, and what it is doing to the inner me.

I might talk more about this in a future post. The subject is now this. My re-enacting 1991.

Or shall it be the beguinning of a new cycle?

What does 1991 mean to me? Besides a beautiful number, it's the year I finished University and believed that I was officially a philosopher. I mean, when you finish Psychology you're supposed to be a psychologist, aren't you?

T'was the year I started serious clubbing, too, moving among The Fashionable Ones and having crowds being parted to let me in to certain clubs or discos.

T'was the year I fell in love with Bernard. My son's father. The person who has changed my life in so many ways, for good and for bad...

T'was when I started getting involved with designers, djs, etc and had my performance group, was gogo dancing, was posing for my photographer friends and other artists...

T'was before I had to wash the stars out of my eyes and conform with society.

The only Apolo that I was close to was the disco I went to every weekend... while Dyonisos was the clue to many of my moods and outburst -of laughter, of love, of fear, of dance, of work...

Talking about Nietzsche is always dangerous. Too much nazi connotations for some. Its like blaming Wagner -not the brazilian one, Mary Anne!!!

Am talking really of the Dyonisos connection. See Nietzsche : A Dionysus-Dithyrambs

*Thought -for those who already know Bataille- that this link would be better: Georges Bataille

Friday, August 20, 2004

Justo Gallego and his cathedral

been to Fundacio Miro yesterday, to an exhibition I was really interested in visiting: The beauty of failure / The failure of beauty.

It was very interesting in some parts, Good texts too involving derrida, Bataille, Deleuze... yet other bits perhaps less captivating for me, but Eva, who was with me, was asking for a bit of guidance on Romanticism and Wagner... to understand parts of the exhibition, so we had a chance to discuss subjects I usually don't talk about with her.

I was amazed and needed to find out more about Justo Gallego, ths man who 40 years ago started building a cathedral near Madrid. Here goes an article in English, no pics : Don Justo's Self-Built Cathedral: A metaphoric learnings for contemporary alternative initiatives; one in Spanish, with pics: La Catedral de Don Justo; and one in Italian... If you have any firat hand info on him, please tell me. Am considering who I can get to take me to visit Mejorada del Campo...

P.S. Why are the exhibition catalogues so expensive???!!! I wanted to buy this one, it's quite good actually, but can't afford the 35 euro, find it abusive.

Wednesday, August 18, 2004

Too lazy

to actually tell you all our stuff from Valencia and from Eva's wedding. Shall go into it later on, am catching up with all my emails and job applications etc...

But uploaded the digital pics into Flickr and it was too hard not to play around a bit with it, posting some of the pics before going into details. Because details there shall be, Velena, don't worry. Want to transmit it as I lived it, can't do it now.

Been funny, been nerve-wrecking, been awkward, been hot, been many things in a short, short time.

Want to talk about the guys there, at the wedding... the cuban community we met, the good, the bad and the ugly sort of thing... want to talk about some really funny and intelligent guys we met, and some really dumb and gross ones too... want to talk about our quest to find a bar that actually served fresh orange juice in Valencia, believe it or not we only just managed this on our last day there!... want to talk about how I felt about Eva, protective and close, at a moment she was out of her mind with tension... want to talk about the good things and the bad ones we came across, but specially want to talk about my aesthetic experience at IVAM, can't go into details now but I am set to find out more about a whole load of new artists I hadn't noticed before...

...and really must find out about the one who made me sweat, cry and almost faint by feeling absorbed by this sculpture. Something like what happened to Stendhal when he first saw Florence.
Eva didn't know this part of me, and at first thought I was joking. I really almost fainted after having one of my pure aesthetic experiences, a bit like what happened years ago when I walked into the Gilbert and George room at the Tate in London, and refused to leave though my friend was insisting... I think I actually had mentioned some time before during this summer I have started feeling my raptures and emotional floods of my Nietzschean days. This was a typical reaction to a strong, hypnotic vision. Am back in 1990, 1991, when I would get lost in my own hood, after watching a certain film (Dead Ringers, for instance) or would go crashing into people because I had to walk looking up into the sky, couldn't bear the faces around me......

For some reason, i went back to read the posts I made last winter, when losing Joan.

Feeling vulnerable, as I have been through a lot in a short time.