Wednesday, February 25, 2004

Made a spooky conclusion last night!

Couldn't sleep last night, and wen't round and round things -specially, relationships, and finally how Bernard, Hugo's father affected me in soooo many ways, for good and for bad things, basicaly making me the woman I am now -this I have been convinced for ages now- and, though there is a basic part of me unaltered, which is my inner decisions and my strict ethical code -quite existencialist, though mixed with my Nietzschean understanding of life, actualy- he has made me decide upon many things -work, homes, even my way of approaching sex and romance has been quite shaped by my long and stormy relationship with him. I am still sticking to my granting freedom to those whom I love, but am quite shaped by Bernard. I just realised, though, one more thing that hadn't clicked yet: I had thought a few times how lately -the last few years- I'm not having premonitions like I used to, and even my intuitive skills are quite average now, not what they used to be. I've realised, and it really hit me hard, that the last strong premonitions were before he shattered my heart and left me feeling like pure shit. About 5, 6 years ago -not when he broke into my flat. I was trying to remember any other cases of premonition, of foreseeing things in dreams, but no. It doesn't happen any more!