Downer.

Met this guy yesterday, whom I'd had a one-night-stand with years ago, early nineties, and have since felt close to, though we have hardly seen each other over the years.

This guy is about 7 years younger than me, nice, handsome, lovely voice, cool looks, great body, intelligent, totally sexy and sensual, fun, has a good sense of reality when necessary... Yes, they do exist! -not a man to be your boyfriend, but one the best lovers possible, I guess! For a few years, he used to take more notice of me than the other way round, although I'm not as good looking, etc., but there was this weird connection between us.

In fact, whenever I bumped into him, often I didn't even notice it was him until he said something, he kept changing his looks so much I'd ignore him and he'd come up to talk.

Once, in a trendy disco we never went to but were there celebrating someone's birthday, with her and a gay friend of ours, we could only see the waiters & waitresses' silhouettes, due to the lights etc -yeah, nineties hahaha- and we were saying 'We want the hunky waiter to come', 'El Guapo'... and when he finally came, it was this guy, and he said the drinks were on the house, but he'd not put too much vodka in mine, as I'd get dangerous... You can bet my friends were pestering me with questions about him all night long...

Some years ago, when I was really down because of B, my son's dad, and had my morale down under the subways, I bumped into him at a bar terrace, and we started talking and talking and I could feel how the chemistry was working between us and was getting a bit dizzy, realizing he was still feeling close to me the way I did with him. But I always tended to think there was nothing to consider, I was really down then, and felt like shit, and he was on the top of his glory years -d.j-ing, really popular among people, etc., so whatever he'd remembered of me would dissappear if he got to see me too often. But we did see each other, no sex nor dates, just bumping into each other quite often some times, then periods of not meeting at all...

Then, when I decided the next time I saw him I'd go for it and see what happened, suggest going out for dinner or something... I find out he was the lover of someone who was working with me at that point!!! She was quite mad for him, he was not so involved... but I didn't want to get into that kind of shit... though I didn't like this girl specially, it would have been difficult to bear. And when she found out we knew each other, she told me she'd told him about working with me, and how he kept asking after me... and kept asking how we'd met in the first place, which I used to reply 'de marcha', partying...

Anyway, she managed to make us all three go out for drinks once, and I was sooo unconfortable, because by now he was one of the very few guys who can make me feel awkward, timid... Things have changed! It was him who was like that in front of me at first!

He said, at one point, sitting between the two of us, and jokingly putting his arms round us both, he was in heaven, and how important I had been in his life, the way I was attached to his first days in Barcelona, how we seemed to know more about each other than what was ever said...

Time after, I've been bumping into him many times, now he's got a kid too so it was a perfect excuse to stay lingering a bit while we gave the kids a chance to play a bit together... and more than once I've felt the sparkles between us just about to become a fire... but I always go so shy with him!!! Yes, me!!!

To cut a long story short, every time he's quite open and available, on his own and talking with me for a long time, I'm too shy, or busy to stay on, or with my son, etc. Whenever I decide that the next time I see him I'll not coward away, he's busy or he's with some girl around!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday he came up to my son and me, in the street. He started chatting, we gave each other the 2 kisses right on the corners of our lips, as usual, and walked together for a few streets, him playing with my son at the same time as he was talking to me, then my son'd stay behind us, playing, and he'd switch his voice tone down to the sexy voice while asking me how things are, what I'm doing lately... me asking him too... but every time we started talking a bit, my son would chuck his bag at the guy, as they were playing catch, and if he was more concerned on our conversation than on the bag, he'd get the bag on his head!!!

But we had a good laugh, and I saw he's still around, and friendly... but he seemed out of it, completely!!! Don't know if it was only dope, or what, but every now and then he'd wander into words with no connection, blah blah... and though he' d do that now and then before, he was too bad this time.

Could have got a drink together, but declined it.

Let's see what he's like next time we meet, but though even when we met the first time he was on LSD or something, during the day and at night when working he's always ok... as I said, no man to be your husband, but cool friend and lover... boy, he was good too...!!!

But I'm getting to learn to keep away, or at least keep at a distance, of these drugheads... I've learnt my lesson or so I hope, but why the fuck do they all end out of control???!!! 'Course it's the people I deal with, may not happen in the circles of my work colleagues, and so on. But maaan, I'm sick of having to check myself with these guys -the ones I like best are always hooked on something or other.