Tuesday, December 09, 2003

No news...bad news(2).

Lost Joan, officially now.
We talked it over two weeks ago, I'm one of the best people he's ever met, great fun, great lover, great person... but love him too much, he's not up to my level... so, as he feels I'm making his life too easy, and he's making mine too hard, we'd better split.
I offered to keep on seeing each other as friends, maybe as lovers too, in a while, but he's scared of making me suffer even more like that, 'cause I still love him
At first he seemed more relaxed and normal with me, after our talk, and for a couple of days he was himself again: fun, friendly... though instead of being on the phone three to five times a day it was only once, or every other day.
But since, he's been back to his disappearing acts, and cold towards me when I went to get some of my stuff from his place... once he was quiet, but touching when we got to talk a bit, said he was making progress with his main problems -personality, drugs...- and admitted he was being weird with me, but "also feeling weird and sick with himself"... Next time I turn up for some more stuff he's almost acting as if I were an acquaintance!
Told him on Saturday to call me sometime, he said he'd call that evening... I knew he wouldn't. Shall make myself not call him 'till he gets in touch, whenever that may be.