Tuesday, November 18, 2003

No news is... bad news!

No good news, anyway: Both my favourite possible jobs, those in which I was on the final run for the position, have been given to someone else.
O.K. -Fair play, sending e-mails thanking their interest anyway & blah, blah... but there is nothing else ineresting in sight.
My father's finding it hard to deal with all the pain and breathing problems during his recuperation, so I'm going to see him every weekend, no time for myself in a loooong time I guess...
Boyfriend seems to be drifting away, as he has never been too good at helping when things get bad -He's excellent at feeling guilty about it, though! So, two problems: No help or support when necessary, AND psychotherapy sessions of guilt and "I shouldn't have let you be so close to me, when I started falling in love with you I should have moved away instead of making you love me, all I do is make you suffer..." So it makes me have to keep my emotions to myself if I want to relax at least when I'm with him.
Really down right now... Not sure wether it's the best moment to confront him, though, as I might be taking him too badly because of everything else...

In fact, I must admit he was the only person I could rely on when my son's father went mad and broke into my flat, wrecking everything, and my son and I lost the flat -our home. He was excelent then, helped me out in everything, though we had only been together for a couple of months -The most normal reaction would have been What the fuck is going on here? This woman may be great for a while, but she has a kid, little money, and an ex who is out of his mind, a big, black moron who has just kicked the front door open and now knows my face!? But, insead of leaving me, HE WAS THERE.
Shit, I miss Joan being by my side!